Opinionated Discourse: The Use of the Word 'Queer'
Uterish co-founder Alex and friend/guest-blogger Amy take on the use of the word:
ALEX: How this post came about is a honest discussion between the Uterish partners about what was the right word and we didn’t all agree. It came down to a reflection of Uterish’s values: Do we want to play it safe and offend the least amount of people or do we want to stand out and make a more disruptive choice that aligns with our beliefs? It’s tough because I don’t think the three of us necessarily identify as queer, or without speaking for other people, at least do not get targeted. So, our positionality is challenging to navigate as we decide wording. Reclaimed words are always tricky.
AMY: There will never be a perfect word that everyone feels comfortable with. No matter what, someone will be offended. That’s why we wanted this to be an interactive blog post where we started the conversation and then open it up with comments. We aren’t, by any means, experts on anything but our own lives.
ALEX: And there are so many varying opinions that people have about this. Even the Uterish partners have not come to an agreement on our personal beliefs about the word, but we have decided that going forward we are going to used the word ‘queer’ as a descriptor for the community. We felt that we owed some reasoning to anybody that came across our use of that word. The last thing we would want is to have it hanging out there and not have any explanation as to why. Hopefully, this blog post can have two purposes: 1) explain our choice and 2) be a place for discussion and education, perhaps - though we certainly don’t have all the answers. But I think you can always learn from your peers.
AMY: Conversation is good and healthy.
ALEX: My own thoughts on this have developed in the past year and a half. So I am, by no means, declaring what I will say and do for the rest of my life.
AMY: If I’d had this conversation year ago it would have been entirely different.
"we are both millennials and to discuss the word ‘queer’ as millennials is such a different conversation"
ALEX: First, we are going to tackle what privilege we are bringing into this discussion.
AMY: The privileges that I’m bringing into this are that I’m white, cisgender, upper-middle class. I go to college. I have never faced explicit discrimination or ignorant bias against the queer identity. I’m young and growing up in a generation that is generally more accepting.
ALEX: We are bringing very identical privileges to the discussion. I think the generational piece is a really important one, especially when talking about language. It’s one of the elements that really has an affect on the type of conversation that we have. We are both millennials and to discuss the word ‘queer’ as millennials is such a different conversation.
AMY: We both grew up in Seattle with accepting families and then went to liberal arts colleges - I go to a traditionally women’s college - so the spaces that we’ve been in are very privileged.
AMY: I think a really big critique of calling it the queer community is that not everyone personally identifies with the word queer and some people are still hurt by that which is incredibly valid.
Alex: You and I definitely don’t want to come out of this with people thinking that we believe everyone has to identify personally as queer. Even though not everyone feels this way, I really think of ‘queer’ as a political descriptor and then there being a separate sexual identity that is ‘queer’ as well. Theoretically, and I would guess commonly, one could identify as gay rather than queer personally, for example, but still feel that they are part of the queer community. My read is that older generations in particular do not identify as queer, personally, to the same degree as millennials. But even so, to me, referring to the community is still a separate discussion, specifically the one we are having now. The conversation has to differentiate personal empowerment versus talking about sexuality as something that should be categorized.
AMY: Finding the label that fits your sexuality and experience can be so powerful but that’s different from titling the community. We aren’t trying to police anybody’s sexuality or gender! That’s the opposite of the point. ‘Queer’ is meant to resist defining and categorizing people. The purpose is not to say that everyone should identify as queer but to share our thoughts on the political descriptor.
"the conversation has to differentiate personal empowerment versus talking about sexuality as something that should be categorized"
ALEX: There are only so many names for the community. It comes down to a choice of which one you use. From my perspective, out of the ones in existence, ‘queer’ is the most fitting. None of them are perfect. The way I conceptualize other terms for the community, such as gay or lgbt/q/+, though they all have their own separate, problematic histories, to me those represent the non-heterosexual community. This, as opposed to ‘queer’ which represents the non-heteronormative* community which to me is a much more nuanced and expansive understanding. It allows for so many more identities. If you call it the gay community, what about the trans individual who identifies as heterosexual?
AMY: ‘Lgbtq’*, and however many letters you add onto it, feels to me like siloing different identities but then trying to push them together at the same time. The acronym fails to bring those identities together cohesively in the same space. As we’ve seen, there is a lot of exclusion within the community, especially of trans and nonbinary people. So, ‘queer’ is more embracing of the parts of the community that don’t fit neatly into those labeled categories.
ALEX: Even the terms gay and lesbian can represent assimilationist movements even though inherently those identities are by no means privileged or accepted by heteronormative society. Another important aspect for me is that many of the sexuality identifiers are based in gender which excludes non-binary*/genderqueer* people.
"queer resistance is a different form of resistance, and it’s the one that Uterish supports and aligns with"
ALEX: I don’t think it is simply sexualities and gender identities that can define someone as queer. The lgbtq+ label doesn’t account for polyamory, heterosexual/cis* kinks, cis-identifying non-normative gender expression, all of which are actively non-assimilative and shamed but don’t necessarily find a place in our previous conceptualizations of what it means to be a member of the queer community. Another problem I have with ‘lgbtq+’ is that, by naming the group after a bunch of labels, it almost inherently suggests that the community is a group of labels. Though we both acknowledge that labeling and identifying can be empowering, it’s more of a personal form of empowerment. However, the whole group shouldn’t necessarily just be recognized as a group of labels; that’s a more divisive conceptualization. Categorization doesn’t reflect the deeply personal and fluid nature of gender and sexuality. It reminds me more of practices of pathologizing and the list of ‘sexual disorders’ in the DSM.
AMY: The term ‘lgbtq+’ feels to me more sterile, especially since it’s been co-opted by corporations, etc, and safe. Safety is good but…
ALEX: ..but you need to be disruptive.
AMY: Right. You need to be radical in your activism, which Uterish already is.
ALEX: We talk a lot about why the word ‘queer’ is, in and of itself, more inclusive which includes context of how it is used (both academically and by the community). But, another huge way that I distinguish other labels from ‘queer’ is who uses the word. Amy, you touched on this when you mentioned corporatism. I definitely have observed that ‘queer’ tends to be used more by the most marginalized parts of the community whereas ‘lgbtq+’ and/or ‘gay’ can sometimes be more associated with the more homonormative* and privileged parts of the community. That does make a difference. There is so much exclusion in previous lgbt movements and now. I want to make sure that Uterish is cognizant that we align ourselves with the part of the most marginalized and radical part of the community. And no Bank of America is sticking a rainbow flag in their window and saying “yay! Queer!”. Queer resistance is a different form of resistance, and it’s the one that Uterish supports and aligns with. ‘Lgbtq’ has practically come to represent the assimilationists, what we refer to as the homonormative population of the community.
"categorization doesn’t reflect the deeply personal and fluid nature of gender and sexuality"
ALEX: Being queer and identifying as the queer community is an act of resistance against heteronormativity, in and of itself. Thus, by utilizing ‘queer’ you can’t then also be complicit in systems of power quite in the way of figures like Milo Yiannopoulos. ‘Queer’ is inherently a rejection of those powers.
AMY: There are many people within the lgbtq+ community - it’s huge - but thinking of ‘queer’ in a political way makes it easier to align with those most resistant to injustice and most inclusive of all identities.
AMY: Not to get all historical, but in the 90s the community divided between seeking marriage equality, representation in the military, while the other half went more towards Act Up and Queer Shame. Those were two very different directions. The same-sex marriage movement was actively trying to normalize the queer community.
ALEX: - a pretty textbook definition assimilationist movement.
"heteronormativity hasn’t only hurt the queer community. it targets communities of color and other marginalized communities because the idea of heteronormativity is rooted in white supremacy and classism"
AMY: A lot of it was “we’re just like you!”. There’s really interesting information about the plaintiffs that had to be used for the cases. They had to be perfect gay couples that were basically the face of homonormativity. That’s where queerness comes in! It is basically the position of “we don’t want to be like that because the institution of marriage is harmful to a lot of people”. Heteronormativity hasn’t only hurt the queer community. It targets communities of color and other marginalized communities because the idea of heteronormativity is rooted in white supremacy and classism.
ALEX: Other than just the obvious connection, which is that all queer people - I would say - need access to healthcare, this also ties into reproductive justice. The whole narrow, domestic vision of marriage - and love - dictates two partners, different genders, different sexes, that get married, have children, move into a house, and participate in various, outlined consumer behaviors. The same-sex marriage movement was like “why can’t gay and lesbian couples do that too?”. The only difference is the gender and/or sex of the couple. The process and institution itself is not disrupted.
"movements that focus on sameness always leave people out"
AMY: During Clinton’s welfare reform in the 90s - which was so harmful to so many people - a lot of the campaigns urged welfare recipients to get married. It actively pushed the idea that marriage - particularly of women to men - was a solution to poverty, as opposed to poverty being a systemic issue of injustice. Does the queer community really want to fit into that?
ALEX: It then also becomes an issue of privilege. Much of the queer community is people of color. The privileged part of the community could decide to simply assimilate enough to benefit from the system whereas queer people with other marginalized parts of their identities cannot. Same-sex marriage was not a solution for the queer community. It was a win for a small percentage of the most privileged that wanted to live a specific life.
AMY: There are economic benefits to marriage.
ALEX: It’s incentivized by the government!
AMY: That’s a problem in and of itself! Movements that focus on sameness always leave people out. The queer community doesn’t want to be the same, they embrace difference. That’s the most important thing. Embracing the ‘shame’ that society directs toward them. Focusing on difference includes more people than focusing on sameness.
ALEX: In many places, it is “ok” to be gay now. When ‘queer’ was a slur, you were expected to go to conversion, or you were thrown out of your house. But now, you could be a gay, cis white man and you may not necessarily have that experience. That’s why it’s important to consider that positionality within the community.
AMY: We aren’t suggesting that it’s bad to want to be in a relationship that looks a certain way. We aren’t shaming hetero- or homonormative relationships. Again, it’s the personal versus the bigger picture. We have to flesh out what is unique about ‘queer’.
ALEX: An understanding of ‘queer’ gives us a framework to observe and critique movements. If we can distinguish ‘queer’ from ‘lgbtq’ from ‘gay’, it allows us to understand the complexity of the Seattle Pride parade, as an example. With that perspective, we can say the Seattle Pride parade is typically very homonormative and not as queer-inclusive. Having the word leads to a better, more nuanced understanding of the politics of sexuality.
AMY: A lot of those who protest Pride, define themselves as a queer movement.
ALEX: Exactly. Pride is a very tricky word within the community. It is almost queer in its idea of embracing difference. However, the parade, itself, has become assimilationist-
AMY: It wasn’t originally. It started as a riot mostly led by trans activists.
ALEX: True. But it almost feels like nowadays, with the rise of corporate and police partnerships, it’s becoming lead by a more homonormative and assimilationist crowd. It seems to represent that crowd now - and I should say that much of this isn’t just my own impression but insight I have gained from listening to and reading qtpoc’s* perspectives. Having the word queer at your disposal helps distinguish how that’s not a queer movement.
AMY: Right, because you can’t say it’s not an ‘lgbtq’ movement. It technically is; but it is not a queer movement.
ALEX: ‘Queer’ is basically saying non-normative behavior is a political act. That’s the essence of the “personal is political” feminist quote. Which is very much the point of Uterish’s “not a political object”. People with uteruses experience that politicization everyday. The question of agency is a complete tie-through between so many social justice movements. As a marginalized individual, your personal life becomes politicized.
AMY: And regardless of whether you identify as queer, in the personal becoming political, it becomes queer.
"the medical establishment is so hetero - and cisnormative. reproductive justice is a way of queering the medical establishment - if it’s done right"
ALEX: I think everybody can reflect on what it means to ‘queer’ reproductive justice. That to me is a really important takeaway. I believe that reproductive justice is, in some ways, inherently queer because many times it’s individuals exercising the right to live non-normative lives - to not follow the domestic model that emphasizes child birth. I personally believe that the choices you make that are contrary to your assigned gender role are queer acts.
AMY: In my Queer Theory class we read about queer time and space which was defined as not prescribing to normative timelines: birth, marriage, reproduction, inheritance, death. It came about with the AIDS crisis with death carrying a different meaning for the queer community. Then, if you can’t have children, reproduction not being the same thing. So, how do you fathom reproductive justice - right to have a child, right to not have a child, right to raise in a safe and healthy environment - with queer time and space? - with queer time, specifically being against reproductive time. The right to not have a child is queer, it’s not prescribing to reproductive time. The right to raise your child in a safe and healthy environment can also be queer. A safe and healthy environment can be so many different things - it can be a queer environment. I don’t think that an environment within the confines of heteronormativity is safe or healthy for anyone - which is not a reflection of heterosexual parents but of society.
ALEX: This is, perhaps, a more obvious connection between reproductive and queer justice, but you talked about the AIDS epidemic which sparked this idea for me. ‘Queer’ is so related to sex -we’ve talked about it as much more expansive as that so I don’t want to minimize of discussion - but for a large part of the community, the word is tied to their personal experience with sex. That is so tied to reproductive justice. I think that for so long there wasn’t adequate education and resources for how to have safe non-penis-vagina sex-
AMY: - still isn’t -
ALEX: - and there was clearly not an adequate response to the AIDS epidemic. Reproductive justice is really healthcare for all. Even if you are just limiting it to sexual health, it’s a queer justice question of who gets adequate healthcare in this country. The medical establishment is so hetero - and cisnormative. Reproductive justice is a way of queering the medical establishment - if it’s done right. The reproductive rights movement has a history of “not doing it right” with the exclusion of poc, poor people, queer people, etc.
AMY: The term ‘reproductive justice’, specifically, was coined by black women in the 90s - I think. So I think we can distinguish reproductive justice from reproductive rights.
ALEX: And even Planned Parenthood has a really difficult history. However, the act of having an open clinic and providing healthcare to people is disruptive and non-normative. At the heart of queer resistance, I think, is agency, as is Black Lives Matter, as is reproductive justice. You can’t have reproductive justice without queer justice or racial justice. Another reason why we care. Forgetting that advocating for reproductive justice encompasses queer people, another important point of advocacy is making sure that those spaces where healthcare can be accessed are 1) actually accessible to queer people and 2) queer-inclusive environments. As reproductive justice advocates, we have to hold organizations like Planned Parenthood and NARAL accountable.
"because Uterish is a platform, we have a responsibility to be thoughtful about vocabulary."
ALEx: Coming from the Uterish perspective, all of the partners (me, Taya, and Greta) feel that there is no reproductive justice without queer justice. And you have to be intentional about language as an ally, an accomplice, or even simply a member of the community. Because Uterish is a platform, we have a responsibility to be thoughtful about vocabulary. I feel more strongly, personally, about using the word ‘queer’ and I think it’s always worth a discussion. These are sensitive topics and I’ve gained a lot from having discussions with people. For that reason, opening up the dialogue and taking the time to flesh out personal perspective is crucial. Especially because I have looked at ‘queer theory’ - as have you, Amy - from an academic perspective. It’s become very ingrained to use the word ‘queer’ in a classroom. But to talk to my grandmother, who taught Sex Education and who would never have used the word in that class, it’s so different that I think you have to make room for the personal. Otherwise, you aren’t doing the topic justice.
*GLOSSARY
Heteronormative - Where heterosexuality is just a sexual identity, heteronormativity is a system of power and privilege that devalues certain identities and behaviors. Heteronormativity encompasses everything from assuming somebody is heterosexual until being told otherwise to buying into the consumer/domestic model of love that includes marriage, kids, house ownership, etc.
Homonormative - Homonormative is similar to heteronormative but it differentiates who is claiming and participating in the normativity - It is used to refer to the assimilationist and/or privileged parts of the queer community. Many describe the same-sex marriage movement as homonormative for its focus on sameness and conforming to an existing model of love.
lgbt/q/+ - lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer/questioning, + can mean demisexual, pansexual, asexual, ally, or many other identities
qtpoc - queer trans people of color
nonbinary - when refering to gender, non-binary encompasses gender outside of the woman/man binary and sometimes outside of the cis/trans binary.
genderqueer - genderqueer is a gender identity that lacks definition. it can mean that somebody's gender cannot be found in the confines of gender binaries and resists simple categorization.
cis - when someone identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth.
RECOmmendations for those who want to continue to educate themselves:
The argonauts by maggie smith
intersex (for lack of a better word) by thea hillman
in a queer time and place by jack halberstam
Punks, Bulldaggers, and Welfare Queens by Cathy Cohen
covering: the hidden assault on our civil rights by kenji yoshino
Sin Justicia No Hay Orgullo / No Justice No Pride video by Trans queer pueblo